


hoax

by Madquinn13



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, Gay Conversion Camp, Homophobia, Jesus used for evil, Post Bunker, Torture, assuming that Gretchen gets away with her plan, characters with unknown fates left out, post island, southern Baptist submissive wife syndrome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:14:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29603001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madquinn13/pseuds/Madquinn13
Summary: After the island, after the bunker, Shelby knows she cannot go back to being the girl she was before. She can't keep pretending that what is wrong with her is something that can be fixed, that even should be fixed.She gives herself two weeks to go home say her goodbyes and pack what she needs.Then she can go be with Toni and they can start their lives proper.She can have her happy ending right? She has suffered enough for it, hasn't she?
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	1. My Kingdom Come Undone

Two weeks.  
Shelby would be back in Texas for two weeks. Two weeks to get her things, to say good-bye, to see if after losing their daughter, her parents wouldn’t change their minds. The main things she wanted were her photos. The ones of Becca, back when everything was good and right and nothing was tainted by her lies.  
Just two weeks and she would be back with Toni. Where she could be free. Free to be herself.

It was only supposed to be two weeks.

She thought if she hid it, if she hid the new change, she could get a week at least of fun family time in before mentioning her plans, how she thought about it, she has thought so hard on it, and prayed. Dear God did she ever pray on it and she tried, tried harder than she has with anything else in her life to ignore it, but she couldn’t and it wasn’t because she was weak, she wasn’t weak. She just, she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t keep pretending it was killing her, it was suffocating her soul and causing her to suffer worst than any plane crash caused, and God wouldn’t make you suffer more than you stand for the rest of your life. Not her God.

Turns out her acting wasn’t as good as she thought it was.

He saw right through her. The second her siblings had gone to bed the lecture started. The yelling without the volume.  
Anger she could deal with, she could handle all the anger in the world. She was prepared for that. What she wasn’t prepared for was the tears from her mother, the heart break. She broke her mother’s heart and she didn’t know if she could forgive herself for that. She didn’t deserve it.  
But her father, the look in his eyes made her feel like a little girl, like not like as she was, when she was little, no that Shelby could never cause that look in her father’s eyes. The disappointment. The sadness. The pity.

“I didn’t want you to be alone Shelby. I wanted you to live a happy life. I wanted to have the relief that my baby girl would be in Heaven with the rest of her family.” He sighed as he turned his back to her. “It’s already dark out so you can stay here tonight, if in the morning you still feel like hurting us, like hurting yourself by condemning your soul to hell for eternity, then you are on your own. Anything we gave you stays here. You have whatever clothes on your back and nothing more. Understood?”

“Yes Sir.”

She thought that was it, she really did think that was the last it would be mentioned and she would never see her father again.  
But it wasn’t.

She packed a bag with all her important cards and documents so she would be able to get a job back in Minnesota. She packed the pictures she wanted, the ones she wished she could see on that island. She even took one from one of her finer pageant wins, crown and all, to show Toni. She could already hear the teases.  
She was under the sheets staring at the ceiling trying to savor the last night she would be in this bed, in her parents home.

She had almost fallen asleep when she heard the door open. Heavy footsteps stomping in.  
She sat up to look at the intruder and saw her father, in front of four other men, wearing dark clothes and looking like they just came from the nearest army base.

“I thought on it, and prayed and I owe it to God and to you to let you try every possible way to be saved.” Dave Goodkind explained sitting down on his daughter’s bed, covering her hand with his.

“Daddy...please, Daddy I did try everything.”  
“We’re going to try this first Shelby. It would kill your mother to know she’ll never see you in God’s kingdoms.” He squeezed her hand before getting up and letting the men snatch Shelby out of her bed and carry her out to their van.

It was only meant to be two weeks at the most.

\---  
After the third day of no word from Shelby, Toni was worried. She knew it was a bad idea for newly liberated Shelby to go back to that cult.

She checked with the other girls to see if anyone heard from Shelby and no one had.  
So Dot being the only one in that town was tasked with finding the dirt.

It took three calls before she found out the current hushed rumor.

“Shelby was sent to Plano.” Dot informed their group call, watching confusion on everyone’s face. “It’s a city in Texas.”  
“What the fuck is in Plano that she can’t have her phone with her?” Toni thought of one thing but she wasn’t letting that be true.  
“I typed in Plano Southern Baptist and er...there’s a conversion therapy camp.”  
“So what is one thing all churches love more than pushing their agenda?” Fatin asked with a smirk.  
“Making shit signs for funerals?”  
“Finding ways to justify Jesus being white?”  
“Little boys?”  
“Money! Churches want money. So I’ll fly down and meet up with Dot in Plano, or the nearest airport to Plano with a watch or two and get our girl back in one piece.” Fatin explained.  
“How many of those watches do you have?” Leah asked not really wanting to know the answer.  
“Oh I got six more since I came home. A last fuck you to my dad. Well that and the emancipation papers. Dot pick me up at Dallas Airport 2am. Toni I would get you to come too but I’m worried Dot and I might kill them, and I know you would so…”  
“I get it. I would kill them.” Toni had heard story of the horror that went on in those places and the thought of even the mild tortures made her blood boil.  
“Any decent person would.”  
\---

Shelby was in the closet. She was literally locked in a closet with no food or water. She was pretty sure her eyes were closed but she couldn’t tell the difference anymore.  
She had tried to think and pray on it like she had before, but just like on the island she kept thinking how it didn’t make any sense. God made her this way and no matter what she tried she couldn’t ignore the feelings. It wasn’t just lust, she could ignore lust. But love, love was a feeling that God made and it was never wrong. It couldn’t be.

She knew at least 2 days had passed, she knew how that kind of hunger felt, if only this one would end followed by a passionate night with Toni.

There was a thought she was supposed to block out.

“I’m gonna pop some tags only got $20 in my pocket.” She started to sing rocking back and forth her hands gripping her hair tightly trying to keep herself grounded by some sense.

They want to break me, they want to break me down until I am nothing so they can pick out what they don’t like, they want to take out the me out of me. But I can’t be broken down, I am strong, God has tested me and I am strong. She kept repeating in her mind like a mantra. If I keep thinking of Toni I can make it out okay. This is only for two months...I can handle two months.

\---

“How many torutre centers are there in Plano?” Fatin groaned from the passenger seat scrolling through google maps to try and find where Shelby might be.  
“They don’t actually call them conversion camps. Try looking up anything related to Southern Baptist.”  
“I think this town has more churches than people.”  
“Probably.”

\---  
Five churches/church centers/ any building that looked some Jesusy and medical and still no Shelby.  
Fatin was showing a 40 thousand dollar watch at people, telling them it’s worth and promising them the watch in exchange for Shelby Goodkind.  
No one had brought them Shelby but all of them had promised to pray for them.

“I told you not to wear the cargo shorts. They are too gay for these people.”  
“And I told you, I only have cargo shorts.”

\---  
At some point Selby must have passed out because she was no longer in the closet, but she was still in a dark room. Well, dim room. She was tired to a chair, an IV in each hand and a metal bucket on her lap.

She heard, and smelled, someone being sick and knew she wasn’t alone before she looked around and found three other girls her age strapped to chairs and IVs.  
Why were they being sick?  
Her eyes went to the source of the light and she froze.  
Someone was projecting pornorgphy, and not just any pronogrphy, it was lesbian pornogphy.  
She started feeling nauseous and soon found herself throwing up.  
What was the point of this torture?

\---

“Day one was a bust, we hit ten spots none of which had Shelby.” Fatin updated everyone and felt a pange of pain at seeing Toni’s face.  
“But we were offered thoughts and prayers by six of them. And spots by 4.”  
“Jesus.” Rachel muttered.  
“Yeah. He was not around. We only have 8 more spots to check so no matter what by tomorrow we’ll have Shelby back.”  
“We all need to meet up. I’ll start driving to Hopewell Lake.” Lena resolved.  
“Okay but I think for all of our sanity, I’ll book us all a suite and Shelby and Toni can be a few floors away so they don’t keep us up.” Fatin grinned. Toni just laughed.  
“Yeah like we have motels with suites here, or more than 2 floors.”

\---  
Shelby had someone change the bags in her IVs and the bucket changed twice already. She couldn’t remember a time she was so sick before. It made her think back when Toni almost died from the mussels. That must be why she had the clear IV bag, to keep her hydrated.

At some point they added audio to the visual and it was making her head pound. Even if she kept her eyes shut she couldn’t block out what was happening.

She wasn’t stupid, she knew what this tatic was, they wanted her brain to think about being sick every time lesbians were involved. But she wouldn’t let that happened. She was not letting them win.

\---

“Just let us have Shelby Goodkind and you or your church can have this nice watch as a donation.” Fatin tried. The two staff members exchanged a look before the man started.  
“We have no here by that name.”  
“Bullshit.” Dot snapped. “We know she’s here, so you can let us in and get a reward or we can search the grounds ourselves.”  
“Yeah Jesus told us.” Fatin felt a bit clever with that one.  
When they still remained silent and clear that they wouldn’t be moving, Dot shoved them aside and pulled Fatin with her. Time to see how far they could get before security came.

“Shelby! Shelby the fuck are you?” Fatin screamed trying every door they passed.  
Dot pushed open door and shuddered at the sight. Some poor girl was strapped to a table getting electroshocked.  
“We should have called the gay mafia.”  
“Do you think they fried Shel’s brain?”  
“No. I mean her teeth had metal wire, that would make shock therapy dangerous.”  
“Shelby!”  
“Shelby!”

\---

She was starting to feel weak again.  
The room was spinning, everything was too loud and too bright.  
Her eyes were pulsing. That was bad. That had to be bad.

“Shelby!”

And now she was hearing voices.  
She did lose her mind. She kept it on that island for all that, she kept it in the bunker but this is what breaks her mind.  
Fitting.  
Death by porn overexposure. Take that Dave Goodkind.

Toni should find the humour in her death.

“Shelby we’re here to save you!”

Fatin?

Not that she didn’t like the girl but she figured her mind would be making her hear Toni.

“Shelby!”

That was Dot.

“Hey back off, whatever happened to the whole passivism that Jesus taught huh? Don’t touch me!”

That was Dot!

“Dot!” She tried to scream but felt the burn in her throat.

“Shelby!”

The door was kicked open and Shelby had to shut her eyes tight to stop the stinging from the blinding bright light.

“Holy fuck.” Fatin took in the sight and paled. “Okay time to go Shel.” Fatin grabbed pulled out the pocket knife and used it to cut the binds on Shelby feeling her flop against her. “It’s okay. It’s okay, you’re safe no more clockwork orange shit for you.”

Shelby got sick again. She muttered her apology before she tried to pull out the IV on her left.

“Hang on let me get it.” Dot gently swatted at Shelby’s hand before pulling off the tape and carefully pulling out the needle, she did the same with her other arm. “Just sit here for a little more we’re going to free everyone else then we’re out of here.”

“Is this a dream?”

“If you were dreaming of being rescued would we be the knights in shining armour or would it be Toni?”

“Is she okay?”

“Just worried about you. Like we all were.”

“Anyone strong enough to walk on their own?” Dot asked looking around the room. No one seemed to be able to so Dot made the call.

“Fatin get Shelby out to the car. Call Toni as soon as you lock the doors so she can stop imagining mass murder.”

“Sure thing boss.”

\---

Shelby was lying across the backseat, her upper half resting on Fatin.

“Here you call Toni on Dot’s phone, I’ll put in my headphones so you can have some privacy.” Fatin scrolled through the contacts until she got to Toni. She was about to hit video call when Shelby stopped her.  
“Do I want her to see me like this?”  
“You’ve looked worse around her.”  
“Awesome.” Shelby hit the button and smiled as soon as the call connected and she was greeted by the face of her girl. “Hey.”  
“Are you okay? What did they do to you?”  
“I’m fine. The island was worse. I’m sorry I made you worry.”  
“Not your fault. Are you cuddling with Fatin?”  
“Yeah, I don’t think I’m trusted to be allowed to sit or lie on my own.”  
“Well that will make flying fun. You look so tired babe, we can talk after you’ve had some rest. I love you.”  
“I love you too.”

Dot had gotten the other girls in that room into cabs and did her best to open and free as many others as she could.

She got back to her car just in time to see Shelby leaning out of the window to be sick.

“Should we fly or drive?” Dot asked looking in the backseat for Shelby’s answer.  
“Bag first.”  
“What bag?”  
“At my house, at his house. One of the main reasons I came here. Need to get it.”  
“Is that smart? I mean your dad shipped you here.” Fatin eyed her carefully.  
“Park down the road, wait for everyone to leave and we sneak in.”  
“Your dad hides a key?”  
“No but my bedroom window’s lock was broken two years ago and I never told my parents to get it fixed.”  
“Perfect.”

\---

It had been five hours since they escaped that hellhole.  
The backseat now had a comfy blanket, a pillow and a six pack of gatorade.  
“I really figured your dad would have gotten called about the break out by now.”  
“They could’ve. I’ll climb in through the window.” Shelby pushed herself up stretching as much as she could in the backseat.  
“Are you sure you’re up for that?”  
“Totally.”  
Dot went out to follow Shelby so she could try and help catch her in case she wasn’t actually up for that.  
She boosted Shelby up to the roof of the ridiculous porch.  
Shelby got to her bedroom window and pushed it open, already half-way in when she heard the gasp.  
Her family was home and her mom was in her room.  
“Mama…” Shelby’s voice was hushed she didn’t want to risk her father hearing.  
“I guess you came for this?” Her mother held up the bag Shelby packed last night. “Is that your...friend that helped you?”  
“No, that’s Dot. She is just a friend. I-I’m sorry Mama, I tried, I really really tried. But I prayed on it a lot and I just can’t see why God wants me to suffer for the rest of my life when love feels so pure.”  
“I packed some more clothes in here, along with your computer and some money. Be safe.” Her mother held up a bigger bag.   
“I will Mama. Thank you…” Shelby was surprised when her mom hugged her. “I’ll make a fake email account, so I can let you know I’m safe.”  
“Use the name Cynthia.”  
“Okay. Goodbye Mama.”

Shelby passed the bags down to Dot before lowering herself. As soon as her feet hit the ground she started running.

Now to get to Toni.


	2. But what you did was just as dark Darling, this was just as hard As when they pulled me apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group is back together and dealing with the after math.

In the end it was decided that driving was their best option. Shelby was still getting sick just not nearly as often as before. They were on the road for two hours before Shelby yelled for Dot to pull over and she proceeded to get sick, her upper half handing outside the car door.   
“Soon as Hayley Kiyoko came on you got sick...that’s pretty funny.”   
“Why?” Dot had no idea who Hayley Kiyoko was.   
“Because the second Shelby heard a lesbian song she got sick, its like what they tried to do.”  
“...but it’s just bad timing, I mean if it had worked I’d be getting sick when talking to Toni right?”  
“Of course it doesn’t mean anything Shelby.” Dot reassured her. After an hour Shelby was asleep in the backseat again and Fatin looked over at Dot.   
“So you think Shelby is even more fucked now right?” She whispered.  
“It could still be in her system…”  
“When she wakes up we’ll play You Need to Calm Down. That’s a gay anthem.”   
“Done.”  
The backseat was still made up like a bed so whoever had their driving turn next got to sleep in the back.   
They had discussed stopping for a night but Shelby said she would rather they just drive the 18 odd hours straight. 

Fatin wanted to make a joke about how thirsty Shelby was but she thought it best to not. One day they could look back on how they needed to have this road trip, how Fatin and Dot made enemies will so many people for Shelby and maybe if enough time had passed and the scars had faded they could laugh.   
But Shelby was the one who had the lead on that. 

Fatin was driving next and she had just woken up in the backseat.   
“Did you have thrift shop on repeat?” She asked with a yawn, when she fell asleep Shelby was playing this song and now it was still playing.   
“Yeah. You can change it.” 

Usually whoever drove got to pick the music but they all just stuck with whatever Shelby had put on during her turn. 

“I mean I figured you’d like, like I dunno, country if not just constant christain bands.” Fatin tried not to have it sound like an insult.  
“Do you want to spend hours listening to gospel or country because we can.”   
“No, no that’s fine. Unless you want to.”   
“Honestly put on whatever you want.” When Shelby was in the passenger seat she spent of the time texting or video calling Toni. Giving her updates.   
Fatin had found a house for rent in the next town over from Toni and sent Toni to go collect the keys. Sharing a three bedroom was nothing compared to the island. 

\---  
Toni had taken the bus to the rental house and met the landlord who gave her the two sets of keys and a reminder of the no pets and no smoking rule.

Toni texted the update that she had the keys and started looking around to see what they might need.   
Turns out when Fatin was looking at the home, she didn’t notice one big important fact. It wasn’t furnished.   
She called Fatin’s phone since she hadn’t received a text from Shelby who had taken over Dot’s phone in over an hour.   
“Hey, Fatin, did you know you rented a house with no furniture?”   
“Yeah the stuff they had was fugly. I already bought stuff relax it’ll be delivered in a day or two.”  
“And in the meantime?”  
“In the meantime you got pretty used to sleeping on sand so maybe suck it up?” Fatin grumbled. Glad Dot’s old ass car had the bluetooth speaker.  
“Mrph...Toni?” She yawned from her spot in the passenger seat. At some point she fell asleep. “Toni’s here?”  
“It’s the phone Shelby. Toni is at the house.”  
“Is it nice?”  
“It’s empty. Fatin didn’t bother to get the furniture.”   
“That’s fine, we can buy sleeping bags. Any fire places?”  
“Two. One in the living room and one in the big bedroom.”   
“Fun. I brought something for you, something I think you’d get a lot of entertainment from.”  
“Sounds dirty can’t wait.” 

\---  
Fatin being such a generous and kind friend had decided that Shelby and Toni should get the second biggest bedroom, she of course would have the master, and Leah, Dot and Rachel could share the last bedroom or they could sleep in the living room and she could make that a closet. 

Fatin was busy examining the wall colors and how she would make it work.   
Out on the porch Toni and Shelby were wrapped tightly in each other’s arms while Dot tried not to seem like a weird third wheel. She did look away when they kissed and was more than relieved when it wasn’t followed by the sounds of Shelby being sick.

“I’ll make a list of what we need to buy. Any requests?” Dot started trying not to ruin their moment.  
“I already got everything I need.” Shelby grinned.   
“Yeah same. But if you see some takis-”  
“Oh we are getting takis. Do you want me to bring in your bags?”  
“No thanks Dot, I got ‘em, you and Fatin have done more than enough for me already.”  
“Bags? How did you manage to get bags?” Toni was always finding herself blown away with what Shelby was capable of.  
“Snuck in and took them after the break out.”  
“You are amazing.” 

Dot and Fatin were gone to buy supplies leaving Shelby and Toni to unpack their bags in their room.

“See, pageants are hardcore.” Shelby pointed out handing over the winning photo over to Toni who studied it.   
“You look like a lightning rod barbie. It’s just hard to imagine this girl having a mental breakdown and chopping off her own hair.”  
“Okay fuck you. I look fantastic and I’ll have you know that for that pagent I won a $1,500 cash wardrobe allowance and one year of hair care and make up.”  
“Yeah wait, the cash allowance, you could just keep the money right? Not spend it on clothes?”   
“Yeah but pageants are pricey, the hair stylists, make up artists and gowns are pricy plus you can’t wear the same one twice in the circuit.”   
“That’s insane.” Toni was helping Shelby unpack and pulled out a hard shell case. “What’s this? Cool headphones?”  
“No silly, that’s my gun.” Shelby pulled out another locked case and laid it on the ground.   
“Another gun?”   
“No, it’s the ammo. I wasn’t sure if we were flying and to fly with a gun it needs to be stored separately.” When Toni continued to stare at her like she had ten heads Shelby took a wild guess. “You didn’t grow up with guns did you?”  
“Why do you have a gun?”  
“It was a baptism gift.” When Toni kept staring at her, waiting for the answer she was looking for, Shelby shrugged. “I thought we might need protection.”  
“Okay, just don’t let Leah see it. Last thing she needs is a gun. And keep it unloaded. I don’t want someone accidentally getting shot. It’s just the one gun right?”  
“Yeah the rifle I use hunting is under Daddy’s name.” 

\---

Rachel had flown in.   
She still felt weird around everyone considering what happened, but she had her siser to thank for her losing her fucking hand.

Her flight was to arrive the same day Dot drove Fatin and Shelby in.   
It was weird, being together knowing they would never actually be all together again. It was one of the reasons she didn’t want to be alone with Toni. After what happened with Martha, she felt like she deserved some of the blame since Nora helped it happen. 

Leah was regretting her choice of driving. She knew it was far but she didn’t think it was over twenty four hours straight of driving far.   
Too bad Fatin had to join Dot, she could have gotten Fatin to take some of the driving for her.   
After two days of driving making only minimal stops she finally arrived luckily it was the same as when Rachel landed so she had to pick her up from the airport.

When Leah pulled up to the right address no other car was in sight.   
“Do you think they’re here?” Rachel eyed the house looking for a sign of life.   
“No idea. Fatin’s text says keys are in the mailbox though.” Leah re-read the text making sure the address was right before reaching into the mailbox and pulling out the single key.   
Without even trying the door she made the motions of unlocking the door pushing it open with ease.  
“Fatin didn’t buy a house did she?” Rachel looked around the porch before following Leah into the hall and glancing into the rooms as they passed.   
“I wouldn’t underestimate her.”   
There was a loud bang from upstairs and both girls stared at each other.   
“We should check it out right?” Leah asked with a deep sigh.   
“Yeah.” Rachel sighed pulling out the pocket knife she now kept on her person.   
The pair carefully and silently made their way upstairs taking extra care on the stairs.   
When they reached the landing they heard a large gasp from the room to the left. They listened in closely hearing what sounded to them like pained whimpers.   
Rachel adjusted the knife in her hand and nodded for Leah to open the door. With a silent count of three Leah threw the door open and -  
“Fuck.” Toni just seemed annoyed.  
“It’s not what it looks like!” Shelby went to the default line of panic.  
Shelby had jumped back about three feet leaving Toni on the floor on her back. Shelby kept her hand hidden behind her back as if it would show a sign of the fact that it was up Toni’s shirt seconds before.   
“We, we didn’t know anyone was here.” Leah tried to explain and Rachel just let her hand drop.   
Rachel looked at the door knob. “Why didn’t you lock the door?”   
“Why would we lock the door when no one else was here?” Toni didn’t understand why it was their fault for not locking the door.   
“We will, from now on.” Shelby never wanted anything close to this happening again.   
“So, how was Texas?” 

\---

“Wait, why do we all have to share the small room?” Rachel understood why Shelby and Toni would get a room together (this whole reunion was partly their fault) and yes it made sense for Fatin who was paying for this, to get the biggest room, maybe it was too big for her to have alone but whatever her money.   
What didn’t make sense was why Shelby and Toni got the second biggest room. It made no sense. 

“Because I’m sure Shelby and Toni already christened their room. Which means it’s their room now.” Fatin explained. “Everyone knows the first to bang in a room gets dibs.”  
“They did.” Leah muttered getting glared at by Shelby while Toni looked a bit too pleased with herself.   
“We didn’t. We’ll take the small room, I don’t care. You don’t care do you Toni?”  
“No I don’t care.”   
“Okay, whatever then.” Fatin was glad that Dot talked her out of getting the california king bed for Toni and Shelby, even if the main reason for the large size was so Fatin could make a leave room for Jesus joke. 

\---  
Everyone was asleep leaving Shelby and Toni in the living room on the newly delivered couch alone. 

“So what’s the plan? What are we going to be doing?” Toni asked the question weighing over them.   
“What do you want to do? Now that we’re back in society, do you wanna still see each other?” Shelby felt a bit of panic, what if Toni only wanted her on the island and their expression upstairs showed Toni that she could do better.  
“Yeah, of course I want to still see you. Being here doesn’t change my feelings. I meant like, should we get a place together? Get jobs or try and finish school?”   
“Oh, I mean of course we need to finish school. We could use the money I have to get an RV so that way we have somewhere to live, it doesn’t have to be fancy, we just need the basics. I’m sure we can jobs.”  
“You want to live in an RV?”  
“Well, rent is a monthly expense and we won’t have anything to really show for it, but we could always resell the RV.”  
“Sure we can buy a cheap RV to live in. What if we just got our GEDs?”  
“Only if we can’t make ends meet while working part time. We still need to prepare for the future.” 

\---

Leah slowly moved downstairs following the smell of the bacon and the humming. She found Shelby all bright eyed and bushy tailed at the stove making breakfast.   
“Mornin’ want some breakfast?”  
“You made breakfast?”  
“I couldn’t sleep last night. So I did a bunch of research on the area and when that was finished I figured I might as well start breakfast.”  
“Are you doing okay?”  
“With?” Shelby asked after a few moments of watching Leah squirm she just laughed. “It is what it is. I can’t change their minds for them. I’ve known this was possible for a long time Leah.”   
“Still you shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone different just so your family will talk to you.”   
“The Lord works in mysterious ways. Look at the island, it was terrible but there were some good things that came from it.” 

“Bacon? Someone’s making bacon?” Dot yawned as she entered the kitchen.   
“Bacon, eggs, hash and toast.” Shelby grinned.  
“You are amazing.”  
Rachel was the next to come down only minutes later. It wasn’t until everyone had finished and the clean up had been done that Fatin came down.   
“So where are we all going for breakfast? Any good places in the area?”   
“It’s 11.”  
“Oh. So brunch? Mimosa’s?”   
Rachel rolled her eyes. “I think we’re just going to relax here.”   
“Fine, Dot drive me to the nearest fine liquor store. We can make mimosas here, please.”  
“The nearest mall is a twenty minute drive, I don’t think you’ll find a fine liquor store closer.” Shelby still had no idea what Fatin had against malls.   
“There is nothing fucking here! Next time we all get together we are doing it in LA.” Fatin was about to explain all the ways LA was better than this craphole town when a loud yawn was heard from the stairs.   
“Shelby, are you giving out my number to people? I got two calls already about a meeting time.”  
“It’s about getting the RV.”   
“RV? Shouldn’t you just say fuck it and buy the U-Haul instead?” 

\---  
The second night of being reunited and still Shelby couldn’t sleep.   
Every time she closed her eyes she saw her father’s disappointed face.   
When she was positive that everyone else was asleep she would go out to the back deck, curl up under a blanket and just cry.   
She would wait until she couldn’t cry anymore and go back to bed, wrap her arms around Toni and wait until it was an acceptable hour to be busying herself with tasks to block out the thoughts.

She had received an email from her father, it had papers declaring her legally disowned, explaining the damage and shame she caused. How his business had lost twenty clients. Her siblings were having a terrible time in school, all because of their terrible dyke sister.   
He even included a bill that he expected to be paid, it was the charge for conversion therapy and the damage caused by Fatin and Dot in breaking her out. 

He sold her truck, threw out everything from her room, and had burned all her photos.   
Her room was the new home gym.   
She was erased from their lives entirely.   
\---

Three days in and Shelby had found a church to attend. The first sunday in society was coming by and it made her feel wrong, not to have a church to go to.   
She already knew not to look for a Southern Baptist church or any other with strict opinions on the sinful lifestyle choice.   
Instead she had an Anglican church where the Decan was a sweet and kind older lesbian. Shelby had only known her for five minutes before the woman was offering any help possible for the teen.   
Soon Shelby found herself chatting with the Decan daily.   
After the fifth joke about church heads being ‘touchy’ and overly friendly Shelby stopped talking about her spiritual life.   
Toni was of course the exception, she was supporting these chats.   
She could close her eyes and even sleep for a few short hours before waking up crying and feeling a crushing weight on her chest. 

Maybe, one day she could explain this all to Toni, she’d have to include why, she kept it hidden. 

She kept repeating the mantra that Decan Lila told her. God is about love. God is not about hate.


	3. Your faithless love is the only hoax I believe in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby moves forward with her plan to plant roots for her new life and Toni just hopes Shelby isn't getting lost in any dark thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I fell into a rabbit hole of camper trailer/RV living. So much so that I am waiting on prices from the local dealer. 
> 
> If anyone knows if you can work in a tribe owned casino without belonging to that tribe let me know. I seriously could not find any definitive answers and my country doesn't have Indian Casinos. 
> 
> Also according to google you can make like 20k-48k a year as a Sunday school teacher so that is where I got the pretty decent amount, by sticking to the low point. I figured it if Shelby is an ordained youth minister with the southern baptists she could teach little kids about the bible stories for the Anglicans.

Shelby was enjoying the view.  
They were at a local park and Rachel made a comment on how with her diving training, even one handed she could probably beat Toni in a one on one, since Toni had lost her edge and all that.  
Rachel wasn’t poking the bear like she thought she was. Toni couldn’t care less about some challenge.  
Well she couldn’t until Shelby made a crack.  
“She has a point Toni, I mean I doubt you could get even one basket now. All you do is stare at me after all. Go show them how you rule the court.” Shelby sent her off with a kiss and promise of more to come after the game.  
Toni wondered if she could try and play one handed but knowing Rachel if she did that, the former diver would take off her prosthetic and beat Toni with it.  
So Shelby sat back and watched Toni show off. That cocky grin whenever Toni fired the ball off to the basket knowing it would go in.  
Rachel was holding up pretty well, she wasn’t the star that Toni was, but she made a few close baskets.  
In the end Toni won but it was closer than anyone expected and Toni actually had to work for her win. 

Shelby was always the first one awake. She would make coffee and get the preparations of breakfast for everyone else ready. She usually would just sit at the counter, glass of water in front of her staring at an unopened box of Froot Loops.  
She still hadn’t broken any rules that she grew up with, aside from the big one, but she was trying to see where the line from insane strict rule that had no bases on morality or safety and normal rules that everyone grew up like don’t talk to strangers. She had been trying to break the no sugary cereal rule.  
She knew the reasons her father disapproved of them, they weren’t healthy, sugar was basically a drug, and if you eat sugar you’ll have ADHD and Autism.  
She was pretty sure the last one wasn’t true she found some articles supporting it but they also claimed that getting the flu shot would make you gay. (Though she did get the flu shot every flu season...she’ll double check with the other girls to see if they ever had flu shots).  
She was re-reading the ingredients on the box when she heard footsteps on the stair. She glanced up and smiled as she saw Toni rubbing her eye.  
“You’re up early.”  
“Woke up to pee, you were gone. Couldn’t fall back asleep. Why are you staring at the box?”  
“If I explain it to you do you promise not to laugh?”  
“Promise.” Toni rolled her eyes, she knew now that it was going to be a really good reason and part of her wondered if the bible had a part about Froot Loops.  
“I’m trying to get myself to eat Froot Loops but it’s hard.”  
“So don’t eat them? I know its in fruity colors but it isn’t gay related.”  
“Dad always forbade sugary cereal. Mom bought it for Spencer once and he saw it, threw the cereal out, and the bowl. The glass bowl. He is down from a full set because that bowl had cereal in it.”  
“Why didn’t he just wash the bowl?”  
“I don’t know, maybe it was already tarnished and could never be truly clean again...maybe that’s what I am to him now...”  
“Hey, hey no no do not go down that hole. You are not tarnished, remember what Decan Gabby said you need to think about when these thoughts come?” While every time Toni was forced to see someone for therapy she found herself to angry and annoyed to deal with it, but she knew that Decan Gabby was helping Shelby and for Shelby she could find comfort in the bible, or the teachings. Toni wasn’t sure where one started and one ended. “What’s the whole point of the bible and Jesus and everything is about?”  
“Love and compassion.” Shelby was wiping away the tears before they had a chance to fall.  
“Right. You’re full of love. You are too compassionate if anything, so if you’re not good enough who the fuck is? Jesus had a thing about that right? Stones and glass houses.”  
“Not glass houses, but yeah, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”  
“Look, if you want to eat whatever you want go for it. But if you never eat Froot Loops I won’t be thinking anything of it. You can stick to whatever rules or values that your parents taught you, so long as you want to have them.”  
“It wasn’t always bad.”  
“I know. That makes it worse though doesn’t it? I mean I’m leaving a shit life of not mattering and getting a good one with you, and those idiots.”  
“You matter.” Shelby tried to reassured her.  
“You matter too.” Toni just smiled at her and pressed her forehead against her. 

They had shared their plan of staying in the town, buying an RV to live in getting jobs and finishing school. Fatin had offered to rent the house they were currently all in for a year for them. She called it a congrats on getting laid regularly gift. After discussing it over with Fatin they declined the thoughtful gift. Fatin settled for making them promise to take her up on the offer if the RV living wasn’t working out. Especially in the winter.  
While the rest of the girls were still around Shelby was job hunting. Toni was supposed to be job hunting as well but it was harder for her to find places that she didn’t get fired from or didn’t know her from her various outbursts.  
After dropping off her resume to a few places and googling if white girls could work as a waitress in an Indian casino (which Google did not know and she sure as fuck was not asking Toni she was still regularly mocked for saying pow wow) she ran into the current priest of the church who she had only met the once, but saw a few times during service, but apparently he knew all about her.  
A cup of coffee later and after he looked over her resume and asked some basic questions he offered her a job. They needed a new sunday school teacher for the 8-13 group which also meant her sunday mornings would be busy and from 3-6 her weekdays would be busy as well with the church’s after school program, though that was less church and more a space for children to get their homework done and play until their parents were finished with work. It was a decent salary too. 

Shelby had once again found it impossible to sleep more than five hours. Toni was fast asleep in the bed. She kissed Toni gently on the cheek, and got dressed. She left a note saying that she was going on a morning run, she had her phone. She wanted to get the registering done for school, all she had to do was drop off the papers to the high school and she was done, she could start and finish her last year of high school with Toni, in a new town where no one knew her. No one knew her family. She could be herself, actually truly be herself. 

Toni woke up feeling a slight chill from the lack of another’s body heat next to her. She frowned knowing that Shelby was still having a hard time sleeping through the night. The other night there was an ad for a Dallas football game and Shelby ended up crying herself to sleep clinging to Toni. If Toni could, she would beat some sense into Dave Goodkind so he would not only see how he was hurting his daughter, but actually get his head out of his ass and go back to being the good father from the childhood stories Shelby told her.  
She found the note and sent Shelby a quick I’m awake, call me if you want, and let me know when you’re about four minutes away I’ll make you some breakfast. 

While running back home she passed by a truck for sale, it didn’t look to be in bad condition and after talking to the owner a meeting was agreed at the local garage where if it passed inspection Shelby would be driving home.  
Was she expecting Fatin to make some lesbian joke? Of course, but she knew she could count on Dot to explain that everyone in Fort Travis drove trucks, even the straight girls.  
Now she just needed to find a decent trailer and their plans would be complete. 

“I can’t believe you’re shopping for towels and sheets in Target.” Fatin was regretting coming on this shopping trip.  
“Where else would we go?” Shelby seemed so confused.  
“Yeah I’m not buying sheets at Dollar Tree.” Target was fancy by the standards Toni was used to.  
“No, just...God no wonder you did so well on the island.”  
“Fine Fatin, where do you think everyone should buy sheets and towels from?”  
“Well Neiman Marcus is where all mine are from. I got this quilted corvette that is so comfy.”  
Shelby was typing that into her phone and nearly dropped it.  
“That’s a thousand dollars. You spent a thousand dollars on a blanket? That’s a car.”  
“Yeah but any car you buy for under 50k, is one I won’t be seen in.”  
“I hate you.” Toni had spent time starving, time homeless and Fatin wouldn’t sit her ass down in a car under 50k.  
“Shelby come on, you grew up rich, everyone knows pageants aren’t for poor people.”  
“Yeah but greed and gluttony is a sin. We were humble with our good fortune that the Lord provided.”  
“Fine whatever, buy your sheets and towels at Target and get rashes and shit.”  
Fifteen minutes later and Shelby was trying to pick between 3 different sets while Toni and Dot got towels.  
“This is a joke right?”  
“What do you have against flannel sheets Fatin?”  
“I mean really? I’m proud of you, that you have it all figured out and accepted and you’re all happy being the rug muncher you always were inside but flannel sheets? You already look butch from the crew cut hair, you don’t need to convince anyone with flannel sheets.”  
“Toni said it gets really cold and flannel sheets are good for cold winter nights. Wait...are flannel sheets a gay thing?”  
“You are trying to pick between 3 different plaid flannel sheets and you just were naturally drawn to them? See you just have a lesbian mind, nothing could have been done about that.” Fatin grabbed the pain black flannel sheets and then grabbed a pair of dark red ones. “It’s a good thing only Toni is seeing your bed. I wouldn’t let you get these otherwise, that would make me a bad friend.”  
“Do you want to come with me and pick out the throw pillows for the bed?”  
“How many are you thinking of getting?”  
“Oh at least 6, it’ll drive Toni nuts. She has this image that I always had like a load of pillows on my bed.”  
“Make it ten and explain how they’re only for decor and under no circumstances are they meant to be laid on. I want to see how long it’ll take before she tosses them out the window.” 

“What does the list say?” Dot was looking at the different sizes and styles.  
“Ten face clothes, ten hand towels, five bath towels and ten bath sheets. What the fuck is a bath sheet?”  
“Is that the rug?”  
“I’ll find a worker...just shove whatever in the cart.”  
“You could just ask Shelby.”  
“And hear her dumbfounded at the fact that I don’t know what a bath sheet is? Not happening.” Toni knew that a future with Shelby would involve many different things but she was not letting it seem like she’s so clueless already. That was a year into a relationship thing.

“Why are you buying ping pong paddles? We don’t have a table.” Shelby watched Fatin examine the different kinds of paddles.  
“It’s not for ping pong. It’s for foreplay.” Fatin forgot how innocent Shelby was.  
“Oh…”  
“Trust me you’ll love it.”  
“I don’t...that’s a bit much.” Shelby had nothing against that side of people’s relationships but considering she was only just now becoming comfortable with her own sexual thoughts and desires, let alone going into that deeper side.  
“So we shouldn’t get a pulsing removable shower head? Or do you think that would be cheating on the whirlpool?”  
“Do you own actual vibrators or are faithful to your toothbrush?”  
“It’s an open relationship.” 

They all met up in the grocery section. Dot and Toni were filling the cart with Takis when Shelby wrapped her arms around Toni’s waist and rested her chin on her shoulder.  
“Did you find everything on your list?”  
“Yeah, we even got the bath sheets, which we of course knew were just big ass towels. How about you? Get all your stuff?”  
“Do you think flannel sheets are gay?” Shelby asked in a hushed tone.  
“Do I think flannel sheets are gay? Did you buy flannel sheets?”  
“Well you said they’re perfect for the winters here.”  
“Are they plaid? Because if you got like red plaid flannel sheets they’re really gay.”  
“Told you.” Fatin grinned smugly. “We should watch Wentworth tonight. I think you’ll love Franky. Since you know, you have a thing for brunettes with anger issues.”  
“And for that line we are going to Olive Garden.” Shelby grinned. “I saw one across the parking lot.”  
“Okay message received.”  
“Fine but tomorrow we gotta get our butts to a cheesecake factory.” Toni watched Shelby smile and Fatin shuddered. 

It was time for Shelby to get her truck. She hadn’t mentioned it to anyone and was wondering if she should have told Toni about it, but that led to the thought of when they were switching from ‘my money and your money’ to ‘our money’ and was that a commitment they were ready for.  
She was surprised that the person leaning on the truck wasn’t the middle aged man who agreed to sell it to her but a girl around her age.  
“You Shelby?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Cool, so yeah Dad got called into work. I’m Regan. You still want the truck right?”  
“If it passes inspection.”  
“‘Course. So, what made you want to move here?”  
“My girlfriend lives here. We met during a woman’s empowerment thing.” After a moment of awkward silence Shelby spoke up. “So you go to school around here?”  
“Yeah, Hopewell High. Are you enrolling around here?”  
“Yeah, Hopewell as well. It’s where she goes, so make sense for us to go to the same school.”  
“Oh yeah what’s her name?”  
“Toni.”  
“Shelifoe?”  
“You know her?”  
“Yeah, we uh, we used to date.”  
“Awesome, first person I meet my age around here is Toni’s ex. That isn’t awkward at all.”  
“Well hopefully, your first day goes smoother than mine. They put me through the test on mine. Never really figured Toni for a truck person.”  
“Oh she has no idea I’m buying a truck, but I think it makes the most sense for our plan.”  
They continued talking about basic level things, Shelby about her pageants, Regan about her saxophone and her love of old music.  
“So nothing seems like a major fix that will be needed for another 15 thousand miles.” The mechanic explained.  
“Sounds great.” Shelby looked over at Regan. “All good on your end?”  
“All good.”  
Shelby passed over the envelope with the cash to Regan and accepted the keys. “Do you want a ride somewhere?” 

“Cute, little Shelby made a new friend. Did you see this post?” Fatin asked looking around the room. “Not only did she find a new friend, she’s a cutie too.”  
“Careful Toni, I’d be jealous if I was you.” Leah checked her phone.  
“I don’t need to be jealous.” Toni rolled her eyes before opening the app herself. “Oh fuck.”  
“I know that look. You fucked her didn’t you?” Rachel laughed.  
“It was a relationship.”  
“So the first friend Shelby makes is your ex? Well did it end badly?”  
“I smashed her rear windshield…”  
“Well it's a good thing Shelby already saw you lose your shit.” Rachel suggested.  
Toni wasn’t even listening; she kept trying to call Shelby but it just kept going to voicemail.  
Her next attempt to call was interrupted by a DM.  
Regan wanted to let her know that she had met Shelby, thought she was really nice, and heard all about what happened with Martha and wanted Toni to know that if she wanted to talk about it, she was around.  
Toni didn’t get a chance to respond before a loud honk practically shook the house.  
“Sounds like some redneck fucked their truck to completion.” Fatin thought she was so funny. The honk sounded again and everyone went to the window to see what it was. Fatin opened the door and was bent over laughing. “It’s Shelby! So we know its a girl truck!”  
“Woah, Shelby got a truck.”  
“A rusted truck.”  
“My ex’s dad’s rusted truck.” Toni muttered.  
“She’s becoming such a stereotype lesbian, with the shaved head, the truck and flannel sheets. Dot you should give her your cargo shorts.” Fatin pretended to wipe a proud tear away.  
“I think the truck is more a Texas thing than a gay thing, right Dot?”  
“I dunno, my dad wasn’t a hardcore Texas gun totin, hunting guy. But yeah trucks were all over town.”  
“And Texas is famous for not having any gays.”  
“Just a lot of roommates and good good friends.”  
Toni rolled her eyes at her friends before walking up to the driver side. Shelby rolled down the window (because of course she bought a truck so old it didn’t have powered windows) and grinned.  
“So, what do you think?”  
“I think you bought Regan’s dad’s truck and spent the afternoon having fun with her.”  
“How would I have known she was your ex? I just saw this baby up for sale when I was walking around. If you don’t like it I can sell it, but it was a great deal, it’s in good shape-”  
“It’s rusted.”  
“That’s cosmetic. The parts are good.”  
“You got rid of the truck nuts right?”  
“Oh he kept those. It was made very clear that they were not for sale. Plus this baby can tow around any camper. It’s perfect for us.”  
“Yeah and the truck bed isn’t a bad place to fuck.” Toni teased.  
“Yeah the truck bed...wait...nope nevermind I don’t want to know. Wanna name my truck?”  
“Oh please, please let me name it.” Fatin was practically vibrating with excitement.  
“Shelby get out of the truck before Fatin creams herself.” Leah just wanted to relax and focus on what they might be getting for dinner.  
“Fine.” Shelby pouted, turning off the engine and pulling out the keys.  
“It is a very nice truck baby. I’m sure we can get the rust painted over.” Toni tried to cheer her up. 

They had 3 days left before all the other girls returned to their lives. The house was still rented for the next month so the need to find their R.V wasn’t dire but it was still a sooner better than later situation.  
Shelby had the new sheets washed and on their bed. She was loving how comfortable they felt. Toni was still sitting up in bed reading from her phone.  
“There’s nothing quite like a huge truck to make you feel like king (or queen) of the road! Having a huge truck comes with many perks: you can handle many types of terrain, you won’t get stuck on flooded roads, they hold up well in an accident, oh, and you can go muddin’! What the fuck is muddin?”  
“When you go driving off road and through the mud. We usually do it on ATVs not trucks.”  
“Okay...anyways this site has 101 names for trucks. So let’s pick out a good one.” Toni just read through a few lists before she burst out in laughter. “Okay, look, you might not want to name it this, and that’s fine it’ll just be my nickname for it.”  
“What is it?”  
“Muddy Muffler.”  
“Muddy Muffler?”  
“Misty Muff?”  
“Stop trying to make it dirty.” Shelby glanced at the screen herself before grinning. “I got it. Exhausted.’  
“Exhausted?”  
“It’s a pun.”  
“Yeah, I get that it’s a joke but that is what you want to name it?”  
“We’ll have a truck named Exhausted.”  
“Fine but if we get a dog or fish, you’re not allowed to pick the name.”  
“Like Bark Ruffalo isn’t a great name for a dog.” Shelby teased moving to pin Toni to the mattress.  
“It could be worse…”


End file.
